She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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