Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
