You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
