I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize