Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
