he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
