i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize