exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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