Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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