Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
