idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
