I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
