I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
