I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
