Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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