I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
