you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
