we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
