We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As shirtless as possible
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize