Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
