What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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