apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he thought i was a dude.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
