you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize