Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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