I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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