Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
