how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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