i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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