And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
