His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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