I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
