do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
