i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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