that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
