I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
