I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
