In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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