I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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