That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His hands were made for my vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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