then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize