It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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