I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
