I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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