You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
