On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
