Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
