Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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