Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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