Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
