dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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