Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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