Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your cock deserves a montage
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
