the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well you can't waste a boner
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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