note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They have beer where we have blood.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
