Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
