Ambien. No doubt about it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize