Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Alive.
So much puke
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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