So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
