Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
