I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
