butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
