It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize