Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
