we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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