So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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