Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
