Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
