I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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