pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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