I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
