Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize