I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
