Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
