My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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