Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
