I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
there is glitter all over my balls
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize