is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
operation have a gay friend backfired
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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