Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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