forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
