Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
