I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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