I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
