ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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