There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
