I smell stomach acid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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