Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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