i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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