But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
