I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
