Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she smelled like a LAN party
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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