Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
