I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize