Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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