I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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