too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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