when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
