he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
time to smoke my breakfast
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
