A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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